Goodbyes

Goodbyes are hard. I know I've written on this before but they seem to happen often. And they very rarely get any easier. Living for a year in Haiti I have sometimes felt that I wasn't making really good friends...ones you share everything with, who seem to understand you even when you can't express yourself, who you know you'll keep up with even from afar. And I suppose partially that is true on each of those levels. But that isn't making leaving any easier. Haitians are such a happy, hopeful people (I know I'm generalizing but still) and even though our communication methods aren't the clearest (my spoken creole is spotty at best) I feel that I'm among family and people who care.

I've had people come up this week and tell me how sorry they are to hear that I'm leaving and while I may recognize their faces I don't recall speaking with them before. And there are my students (both kids and adults) who are sad to see me go and all want to know when I'm coming back and who will continue the class. It is hard to tell them I don't know when I'll be back but even more so that there isn't anyone to take and continue the classes with them. I don't know how far we've gotten but we have had fun with our hour a week classes.

I've received so many blessings here. And they keep coming. The thank yous that I'm getting are heart felt and bring me close to tears (haven't cried yet but I know it's coming). Since writing that I teared up in 3 classes, barely made it through my last staff meeting, had to walk away quickly from the girls at the House if Hope.

Now I'm on the plane. Headed home to NC and cold weather. And I'm ready. (Not that there is any more choice in the matter.) and I'm glad. Still sad that I have left so many friends behind but the dragged out goodbyes were starting to kill me. Not knowing if I'd see someone again before I left. Cleaning out my room (how much stuff!), packing (which I still don't like doing).

Babies

I've been given the chance in the last week to visit the Missionaries of Charity hospital twice. There children are extremely sick and will stay until they are out of danger. Lots of malnutrition, malaria, and dehydration from diarrhea. There were some older children there this time. When I asked them they told me they were 7 years old but they were probably the size of 4 year olds. 

Parents have visiting hours and it is heart-warming to see when they are able to come, but heart-breaking to know that they don't have the means to care for their children. There are many children who don't get visited for whatever reason. Sadly there are always children for volunteers to hold (wouldn't it be nice to not be needed like that?). To hold, feed, change, and love a child. Language doesn't matter though sometimes it would really help. One little boy kept biting me when I wouldn't pick him up (not the best way to convince me) but was overjoyed when I sat down and was on his level even if I was holding another child.
If the child isn't hooked up to an IV there is a space to take them outside. There is a need for more shade there but we moved around and found what we needed. There are many children there and some of them I have recently learned can be adopted. I have only ever been into the first two rooms where the sickest children are, but as they get better there are another couple of rooms for them and they are more active three. The upstairs holds the orphanage but the one time I walked up there the kids were all downstairs on the playground. The hardest part is putting them down when it is time to leave. Often at the end of visiting hours so everyone is leaving and therefore crying. But I am grateful that there is a place like this for the care that they do get. 

As a complete contrast to that: today I was blessed to be able to visit Jean Gaudy's house. He moved about 2 months ago farther from Terre Noire (less crowded area). His new house was finished a few days after the birth of his daughter, Berlandy. I told him that I would love to meet his daughter and see his house if possible. He said yes but we haven't done anything until now (a week before I leave). Before my afternoon class we went to visit. It is a nice house though he tells me it isn't finished yet. He wants to add more rooms and it still needs to be painted. Berlandy was sleeping when we got there and I was afraid I wouldn't get to see her but Madame Jean Gaudy went to get her. She is adorable! Chubby and happy, with a head full of hair! She didn't cry at all even when faced with a blanc right after being awakened from her nap.

I give thanks to God for all the babies and the people who take care of them. 

(No pictures are allowed at the hospital, but here is one of Berlandy and me)

the order of worship

(soon there might be an abbreviated version of this on the HOM website)

As a long-term volunteer for HOM I thought I would write something about the worship services that I’ve attended in Haiti. I hope this will give you some insight as to the format of the service. You still won’t be able to understand the words (it will be in Creole and I don’t have time or the knowledge to teach you that) but to know a little more of what is going on and some of the thought behind it. It is by no means a definitive work as I’m sure that I will miss things. I definitely don’t have all the worship answers but I have asked some questions to the pastsoral staff and gotten some good answers that I’ll try to share here.

The beginning-Praise & Prayer
The services begin with about an hour of songs and prayer. The songs are lead by a church leader and often can be found in the hymn book though most of the congregation will already know the songs and will follow the leader as they lead with key phrases. The songs often lead straight into prayers which are loud and chaotic with each individual speaking to God. Sometimes the leader will continue a song at a hum and when the congregation picks that up they will begin to pray. The congregation then continues to hum or breaks into prayer as they feel led. Other prayers begin after the song ends and the leader picks a Bible verse (often from Psalms) that leads into everyone praying. The energy that flows through the church at this time is awe-inspiring. People are waving their arms inviting the Holy Spirit, calling out to God, on their knees with their heads on the pews. Each is free to pray to our Loving God who hears each one even when we can’t even hear ourselves. In this time is the call to confession and the assurance of forgiveness. Choirs sing praises and then it moves to the next part of worship.

Announcements & Welcome
A pastor or lay pastor then takes the service. He makes announcements and welcomes visitors. Meetings happening at the church, changes in a regular schedule, upcoming weddings, baptisms, or funerals are a few examples. Then the first time visitors stand and are recognized (sometimes with a ribbon, sometimes with a song). Haitian visitors are ushered to the front so they may feel more involved in the service with a closer seat. (HOM teams are not ushered to the front as we often leave in the middle of a service to attend a service at another HOM site.)
The song that is often sung goes like this:

Mwen renmen ou nan nom Segnè a                       I love you in the name of the Lord
Mwen renmen ou nan nom Segnè a                       I love you in the name of the Lord
Paske mwen wè nan ou lanmou Bondye a             Because I see in you the love of God
Mwen renmen ou nan nom Segne a                       I love you in the name of the Lord

What an awesome reminder of God’s love being in everyone, from friends to strangers.

Communion & Offering
A meditation on communion comes next. Communion happens in the middle of the service. This is different from at home when the communion often comes after the sermon toward the end of the service. Communion is seen as the center of the worship experience. It is the reminder that we are saved through grace and the sacrifice of Jesus-the center of our beliefs and therefore the center of worship. The meditation is often taken from one of the Gospels, 1 Corinthians 15, or Isaiah 53 but it is up to the discretion of the leader as they remind us of Christ’s death, burial, resurrection and promised return. Communion is open to all believers that have made the decision and declaration of Jesus as Lord and Savior. The plates are passed and the elements (bread and juice) are held to be eaten together as part of the one body of the church. As the cups are returned, it is also the time of the offering. As we have freely received communion and the grace of God so we may respond with our offering.

Sermon
The sermon is next. This is the last element of the service. There is no lectionary that is followed, but often the pastors have decided on themes for a series of sermons. When I asked why the sermon is at the end of the service, I was told that the hope is that the congregation listens and may be moved to make a deeper commitment to God. At the end of the sermon there is an invitation for anyone who feels moved to dedicate their life to Jesus or for those who already have accepted Jesus to make a stronger commitment to being a more active servant in the church. This is also a time for those who have prayer requests to come forward as there are leaders at the front who help and pray with them.

Often Sunday School classes follow the service (though on some Sundays it comes first). Here at Terre Noire (and I imagine at the other sites) the church is used as well as the school classrooms. In the church a class will take up about 4 pews with the teacher standing in the front and the next class will be about 3 pews behind them. It reminds me of the praying with all of the teaching going on at once in the same space. God’s work is definitely moving here!

Where am I?

Driving (riding really) around Haiti (and Malawi) is a test of recognition. There aren't very many street signs to help you on your way and I find that many if the walls that surround the properties look extremely similar. As I don't drive here and don't see myself driven or going anywhere on my own I'll admit to not paying Bert close attention to directions and how to get places. So it took me a while to place myself and the community centers of HOM. But I've got that now and if needed can get from one to the other. 

However, when coming from a different place through the same neighborhoods I can still get turned around and confused. My sense of direction seems to have taken a hit and I continuously think we should be going left when we go right and right when we go left. 

But the joy of recognizing where we are stays even when it doesn't last very long. And often even when I'm wrong that momentary joy is uplifting. At other times it is disappointing how little I recognize or how reliant on others I am. 

It often brings to mind walking a labyrinth. The first time I did it I didn't really think about it...follow the path, get to the middle, follow it out again. But the subsequent times have been more thought provoking. I think I read a guide or some questions beforehand. It recommended thinking about where you were in your journey and noticing that sometimes you seem to be in the same place but are always (in the case of the labyrinth at least) in a slightly different place. This is true in life as well. Since all of our experiences change us, we must take even the things that seen the same in a different way. I suppose in this way we can be said to gain wisdom. 

On our way home from dinner I figured out where we were twice! Very exciting! Especially since it was also dark out. 

Weekend

I spent last weekend as the only blanc (white) in the compound. On Saturday the team left for home and our next people in didn’t come until Tuesday. In many ways it wasn’t really any different than other times, just quieter. I did what I usually do—had dinner, went to see the girls at the House of Hope and sat downstairs for a bit. Granted I don’t often sit downstairs for too long and they were laughing because they figured it was because I was on my own. But that wasn’t my reasoning (hadn’t occurred to me until they brought it up). I was there because I enjoy the company. Madame Pierre and I don’t have a lot to say to each other but we chat some and sit in companionable silence. Often I don’t sit because it is hot down there—the breeze is on the roof but they don’t go up there often because the earthquake scared them (that’s what I’ve been told). Also, the mosquitoes are worse down stairs because of the lack of breeze I think.
Sunday I went to the children’s church for the first time. It has a similar format to the adult church with lots of singing, prayers, a short message, and communion for the leaders as the children haven’t been confirmed or baptized yet. There were a lot of children in that cafeteria and they were pretty well behaved. I relaxed the rest of the day which was nice. About 6 Max called me and asked what I was doing. Reading on the roof! He said he was coming so we could play a game or watch a movie as he didn’t want me to be there alone. I told him I appreciated that but it wasn’t necessary as I was fine. He said he was coming and that was ok too. We watched a movie off of youtube…and then it was time for the next week. Teaching, meeting, emails, and more…busy once again.

Tempting

Have you ever noticed how much you want to do something the minute someone says you can’t? It doesn’t matter what it is. The desire to prove them wrong or do it anyway just pops up. It happens when I’m doing construction and someone tells me I can’t do ….. ‘Well, I’ll show them.’ Or someone tells me that something is too heavy for me (even when I move them all the time)—but that is more annoying than anything.

I worked with the team from Ebenezer church in Hillsborough on their painting project last Thursday as there was no school for Dessalines Day (hero of the independence). They had been painting the church offices at our Cite Soleil center and were almost finished. (A good time to help) The offices looked really good (though before seeing the pictures I had nothing to compare it to as I'd never been back there). A bright white on dingy walls really brightened up the place. The walls were all white with a dark grey trim (doors, frames, benches, baseboard). It was basic touch up time for all the doors and frames- where any white had dripped and needed to be covered. 

They worked faster than planned and what was to take all day finished at lunch time (never complain about that). All morning we would work and take breaks when we wanted and there were plenty of places to sit with all the wooden benches in the hallway and all the concrete benches permanently attached to the walls. Then it was time to paint those concrete benches grey. Done. No problem.

If there is any choice in the matter, I don’t want to sit on those concrete benches. All morning I’d chosen to sit on the wooden benches or the chairs. But now the concrete benchers were covered in wet paint and I kept having to catch myself from sitting on them. After they were painted, it seemed to be the only place I wanted to sit. 

It made me think of how we really want to do what we aren't supposed to. What we are told not to do seems to be the cool thing. Why? Is it because we want to see if we can get away with it or do we really want to do it? We see it often in teenagers and we try to use reverse psychology. But it doesn’t stop (or start) with the teen years. It is in us all and continues (at least as long as I am aware of).

I don’t really know where I want to go with this and I’m sure there is somewhere deeper and more thought provoking I could go. But that’s it.

I didn’t sit in the paint but I did put my water bottle on it…

Shoes shoes shoes

This week it was time to give out shoes to the school kids. Luckily we had a team in from Hillsborough, NC who were willing to help us out. Two of the ladies helped us each day and we recruited the next two for the last two days. I helped in between classes on Monday as we shepherded children into the room, tried shoes on them until they fit and then sent them back to class. There was a constant flow of children and trying to keep shoes ready to go on feet. 

I think we put shoes on an enormous number of students (I think about 1000). And then double that for the number of feet we touched. I found the littles ones fun an cute. As they got older they seemed to want to fool the system. I couldn't tell if they did it for fun or on purpose. All of the shoes were black tennis shoes with a Velcro strip across but some had flat 'laces' while others had laces that were more like wires. They would tell you the size they thought they needed or wanted and then would tell you whether they fit or not. But more often than not they wanted sizes too small and would ball up their feet to get them. No deal. I was on to their game (at least most of the time). 

It was fun to watch the interaction with the volunteers. They would ask questions in English (how are you, what's your name) and often the kids could understand. (Exciting for me!) and then sometimes the kids would teach some French (same questions). The pride on their faces to be teachers was so cute.